I'll Find My Way....

First I was dying to finish high school and start college....
And then I was dying to finish college and start working....
Then I was dying to marry and have have children....
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could go back
to work.....
But then I was dying to retire
And now...
I am dying.........
And suddenly I realized I forgot to live!
Please don't let this happen in life.
Appreciate your current situation and enjoy each day against all the odds.
To make money we lose health and then to restore our health we lose our
money....
We live as if we are never going to die.

My Mom sent me this mail today. And as I read it, the more I realised the futility of the daily grind. Life seems to be like treadmill - you think you are running fast, fast enough to achieve your goals and ambitions, but when you look down, you realise, you are where you started. That's how I felt.

As I was assimilating these thoughts, I looked out of my office window, into the vast expanse of open space, the Mithi flowing, the dark Monsoon clouds and the heavy downpour. What all have I missed in all these years.... I could have danced in the heavy downpour, carefree.

I could have enjoyed each moment of each passing day. I could have been with my folks, Neeti and close family members to share their joys and sorrows, to give, to be a support....

It is obvious that one's career cannot be sacrificed. But at the same time I am an individual who lives for himself and his loved ones. I cannot sacrifice one priority at the alter of the other. I have to find an equilibrium, of living - doing what I love, doing well professionally and being there for my loved ones.

How do I do it is the biggest question that bothers me now.

I know my destination and I am sure I will find a way to it, someday.

Till then, I remind myself that I don't want to die with with regrets of not being able to do what I wanted to.